I have had to co-parent since my oldest daughter was born. At first we rarely got along. We would argue constantly about getting my daughter as well as how we dealt with caring for her. I think it was more her father complaining on how I took care of her, but I definitely argued about days he wouldn't let me get her, while he had the nerve to ask me during my time and I kindly obliged. I have also argued with my second daughter's father due to he wanted her immediately after she was born, overnight. I felt completely uncomfortable with this, especially because she refused bottles and would only breastfeed. Below I will list some pros and cons of co-parenting.
The Pros of Co-Parenting
One thing that makes co-parenting work is when both parents desire to put their children first in all situations. It also helps if the two parents are able to truly be friends with each other because both parents are adult enough to understand arguing with one another is stressful for all involved, especially the children.
It can give children time to spend with, and express affection for each parent without stressing about if it is hurting the feelings of the other parent. The parents can also both attend birthdays and holiday events without causing drama by their presence.
The Cons of Co-Parenting
It can be a frustrating struggle. Don't judge your experience by comparing how it works for other parents.
It can be problematic when two parents cannot get along with each other. It is not good for children if they see their parents get into big, loud and dramatic fights all the time, or bad-talking the other parent. This is what happened with my oldest daughter's father and I up until about 5 years ago. We still sometimes get into arguments, but it is not nearly as bad nor is it verbal; we communicate through texting which I know is not the best option, but it works for us and keeps things pretty civil.
Do's and Don't Of Co-Parenting
DON'T:
Stay angry. It is easy to stay angry because it distracts you from creating a new life, and keeps you attached to your ex, which is the exact opposite of what you want.
Don't try controlling what your co-parent does in their house, unless actual abuse or neglect is present. What goes on in your ex's house is none of your business, so resist the urge to give "helpful advice".
Don't blame your ex for your child acting out. If your child is struggling in school, acting out or just reminds you of your ex, resist the urge to blame your ex because it has never solved a problem. All it does is ignite more battles that will take away from your child.
Don't punish with money, such as games with child support. Send it on time and paid in full. Also, don't lecture on how they are supposed to spend the child support.
Don't go to court. If you follow court orders, then this should not be an issue. The only reasons you should go to court are your child's safety, needing to relocate or a modification of support.
DO:
Do be polite. Say please and thank you, tell your ex you appreciate their efforts to be a civil and good parent (even if they aren't as "good" as you want). This will encourage them to do the same for you.
Do communicate. Don't use written word as a weapon. Texts and emails are not for lashing out or convincing of the errors of their ways.
Do manage your emotions. If you are always arguing, figure out what may be causing the drama. Are you engaging in email battles? Do you exchange angry words in front of the kids? Practice your coping skills so you can control your emotions.
Do follow court orders. It will be less of a headache for you if you pay child support on time, stick to visitation schedules, handle child-related expenses set forth in your agreement.
Do respect your ex's time with the kids and don't call, text, or facetime your children more than one time during their visitation. Also, don't make them feel guilty for having fun with their other parent.
Do respect rules. Some separated couples are able to agree on the basics such as discipline, bedtime, electronics and homework rules. If you agree to something, follow through with it.
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